The Phantom of the Opera  Short Version
by 1000th Ghost
Summary: A short version of The Phantom of the Opera!


**The Phantom of the Opera - Short Version**

**By: 1000th Ghost**

Old Raoul: I'm old and sad and should be dead. Time for a flashback!

* * *

><p>Chandelier: (singing) Dun! Dun dun dun dun dun!<p>

* * *

><p>Opera House: I'm the Opera Populair. Woot.<p>

* * *

><p>Christine: Oh, look! There's Raoul!<p>

* * *

><p>Raoul: Sorry! You're not cool enough for me yet!<p>

* * *

><p>Carlotta: I quit! Bring my material possessions! No me gusta el phantom!<p>

* * *

><p>André and Firmin: Crap. No more star. We're screwed.<p>

* * *

><p>Christine: Never fear! I can sing!<p>

* * *

><p>André and Firmin: Hmm...some random dancer...uh...you're in!<p>

* * *

><p>Christine: (singing) Think of (coughforeshadowingcough) me...!<p>

* * *

><p>Phantom: Ha! First glimpse of me!<p>

* * *

><p>Christine: Quick clothes change!<p>

* * *

><p>Raoul: Wow! Now Christine is show-off-y and worthy of my affections!<p>

* * *

><p>Christine: Father, please send that really hot voice to me.<p>

* * *

><p>Meg: Dude! You rock!<p>

* * *

><p>Christine and Meg: (singing) Angel of Music, what's your deal?<p>

* * *

><p>Raoul: Hey, Christine! Remember me?<p>

Christine: ...

* * *

><p>Raoul: Scarf...? Sea...? Fop...?<p>

Christine: Oh, that's right! Wuz up?

* * *

><p>Raoul: I've decided to date you!<p>

Christine: Sorry, no can do! I've got an appointment with a disembodied voice.

* * *

><p>Raoul: My lack of brain and long, flippy blond hair make me unable to comprehend "no". See you in ten!<p>

* * *

><p>Phantom: (singing) That guy's an idiot! I'm not!<p>

Christine: (singing) I realize this! Hey...can I see you yet?

* * *

><p>Phantom: (singing) Uh...sure, why not?<p>

Christine: (singing) Dude...you're in a freakin' mirror!

* * *

><p>Christine: (singing) Um...I'll ignore the defying-physicis-going-through-mirror-thing because...OH MY GOSH HE TOUCHED MY HAND!<p>

* * *

><p>Arms Holding Torches: Blatant The Haunted Mansion Trademarked reference!<p>

* * *

><p>Christine: (singing) Nice decorating! Gasp! You're The Phantom of the Opera!<p>

* * *

><p>Phantom: (singing) No duh! Let's sing!<p>

Christine: (singing) I am the mask you wear!

* * *

><p>Phantom: (singing) That...makes no sense...<p>

Christine: (singing) The Phantom of the Opera Trademarked is there...inside my mind!

* * *

><p>Christine: (singing) The most famous scene in the movie!<p>

Phantom: (singing) Sing!

* * *

><p>Christine: (singing) LAAA!<p>

Phantom: (singing) Higher!

* * *

><p>Christine: (singing) LAAAAAA!<p>

Phantom: (singing) HIGHER!

* * *

><p>Christine: (singing) <strong>LAAAAAAA!<strong>

* * *

><p>Phantom: (singing) Um...dude, you can stop now...<p>

* * *

><p>Phantom: (singing) Night is cool!<p>

Christine: Me likey...

* * *

><p>Phantom: (singing) I know how to hypnotize you!<p>

Christine: What was your first clue?

* * *

><p>Christine Bride Figure: Dude! Parallel dimension!<p>

Christine: ...

Phantom: AKA marry me.

* * *

><p>Christine: Catch me!<p>

Phantom: Me likey...

* * *

><p>Phantom: (singing) Help me make the music of the (breath)<p>

* * *

><p>Phantom: (singing) NI...<p>

* * *

><p>Phantom: (singing) I...<p>

* * *

><p>Phantom: (singing) I...<p>

* * *

><p>Phantom: (singing) I...<p>

* * *

><p>(five minutes later)<p>

* * *

><p>Phantom: (singing) I...GHT!<p>

* * *

><p>Monkey Music Box: (singing) Look at me!<p>

Christine: Curse you, infernal monkey! You ruined my beauty sleep!

* * *

><p>Christine: And suddenly I don't care because...I WAS KIDNAPPED BY A HOT MASKED STRANGER!<p>

* * *

><p>Christine: (singing) So...hot...must...take...off...mask... (takes off mask)<p>

* * *

><p>Phantom: (singing) YOU IDIOT!<p>

* * *

><p>Phantom: (singing) Um...any chance you'd still love me?<p>

* * *

><p>Christine: So sad! Tear tear! Here go! (gives mask back)<p>

* * *

><p>Christine: Hey! You're hot again! Woot!<p>

* * *

><p>Christine: So, you wanna...<p>

Phantom: Let's take you back.

* * *

><p>Christine: Um...not what I had in mind...<p>

Phantom: Let's go!

* * *

><p>Old Raoul: Goodbye, my love! What, are you <em>surprised<em> that I'm having an affair with Christine's best friend?

Old Madame Giry: Beware the black and white horror!

* * *

><p>André and Firmin: (singing) Crap. No more star. Again. We're screwed. Again.<p>

* * *

><p>André: (singing) And to top it all off, some dude wants money for nothing.<p>

Firmin: (singing) We're screwed.

* * *

><p>Raoul: (singing) Hey, Christine stood me up! I refuse to accept that she didn't want to see me...so you guys must have kidnapped her!<p>

André and Firmin: (singing) You do realize the lack of sense that made...don't you?

* * *

><p>Carlotta: (singing) I'm too pink for this rejection! No me gusta el fop!<p>

Madame Giry: I've got the umpteenth note! What do I win? Oh, and Christine is "back".

* * *

><p>Phantom: (singing) Christine rocks. Carlotta doesn't. Do what I say, or you'll all die in a heap.<p>

* * *

><p>André and Firmin: (singing) Anyone in the mood for dying in a heap?<p>

Carlotta: (singing) Whaaa! Nobody loves me!

* * *

><p>Firmin: (singing) Candy?<p>

André: (singing) Flowers?

Carlotta: (singing) Stop trying to bribe me! Can't you see I'm busy being a spoiled brat?

* * *

><p>André and Firmin: (singing) Uh...doggy?<p>

Dog: (woof)

Carlotta: (singing) I'm in!

* * *

><p>Firmin: (singing) I bet Christine was with Raoul.<p>

André: (singing) That was really random...but me too!

* * *

><p>Phantom: Ha! That's what you think...<p>

* * *

><p>Fops: (singing) This countess person's having an affair with a girl pretending to be a mute male cross dresser!<p>

* * *

><p>Carlotta and Christine: (singing) And, no, this doesn't make us gay!<p>

* * *

><p>Phantom: Tisk tisk. People, don't you ever learn? Eh, whatever.<p>

* * *

><p>Carlotta: (singing) Lalalalala... CROAK!<p>

* * *

><p>Carlotta: No me CROAK gusta CROAK el croaking CROAK!<p>

* * *

><p>Firmin: Heehee. Sorry about that. CHRISTINE, GET OUT HERE!<p>

* * *

><p>Phantom: (kills Joseph Buquet) Hey! I'm a serial killer! Who knew?<p>

* * *

><p>Christine: (singing) (gasp) The Phantom of the Opera Trademarked!<p>

Raoul: (singing) Dude, he's just a hallucination.

* * *

><p>Christine: (singing) In that case, I should hallucinate more often! I mean...oh, no, the horror!<p>

* * *

><p>Christine: (singing) It was so awful!<p>

Raoul: (singing) You poor thing!

* * *

><p>Christine: (singing) And yet...man, was he HOT!<p>

Raoul: (singing) Make up your mind!

* * *

><p>Phantom: Guess what, Christine? I'm here too! Time to make your life even more confusing!<p>

* * *

><p>Raoul: (singing) Do A., B., C., D., E., and whatever else pops into my head! That's all I ask of you!<p>

Christine: (singing) Get a haircut! That's all I ask of you!

* * *

><p>Raoul: (singing) No! Not my flippy blond hair! Um...but I'll marry you instead.<p>

Christine: (singing) Eh...I suppose that's the next best thing.

* * *

><p>Raoul and Christine: (kiss)<p>

Phantom: (sob)

* * *

><p>Phantom: (singing) But...b-but...(sniff)...<p>

* * *

><p>Phantom: (singing) YOU'LL PAY FOR THIS!<p>

* * *

><p>Old Raoul: (sees young Raoul and young Christine kissing) It's me again! Dude...my eyesight's going.<p>

* * *

><p>André, Firmin, Carlotta, and Piangi: (singing) Let's all impersonate the Phantom!<p>

* * *

><p>Raoul: (singing) Guess what, Christine? I changed my hair into Jeannie-style!<p>

Christine: (singing) _What _did I tell you about speaking to me in public?

* * *

><p>Break Dancing Masquerade Dude: (singing) Masquerade! Everybody BREAK DANCE!<p>

* * *

><p>Phantom: (singing) I'm BA-ACK!<p>

André and Firmin: (gasp)

* * *

><p>Phantom: (singing) Is this the <em>best <em>you've got?

Carlotta and Piangi: Duh...

* * *

><p>Phantom: (singing) Well...at least I've got Christine! My glorious opera shall be fulfilled!<p>

* * *

><p>Raoul: Not to sound unprotective but...later!<p>

* * *

><p>Christine: Uh...hi...<p>

Phantom: (singing) Uh...hi...hey! That's the ring _I _was gonna get you!

* * *

><p>Phantom: (disappears through his trapdoor) (POOF!) (POOF!) Ok...this is looking like The Fairly Oddparents...<p>

* * *

><p>Raoul: Raoul's attempt to be heroic Part I!<p>

* * *

><p>Raoul: (in the Phantom's trap of mirrors) I can admire my hair from all angles! This is a dream come true!<p>

* * *

><p>Madame Giry: Time for a flashback within a flashback!<p>

Raoul: Oh, goody!

* * *

><p>Young Phantom's Captor: I shall force you to wear a potato sack on your head!<p>

Young Phantom: Oh, no!

Monkey: Monkey!

Young Madame Giry: Watch my hair miraculously change colors! (gasp) I'm calling that "Torturing Children Hotline" thingy on those commercials!

* * *

><p>Young Phantom: (kills his captor) Looky, Mommy! My very first murder! Aren't you proud?<p>

Young Madame Giry: (gasp) I will now ignore the fact that you're a serial killer and save you anyway!

* * *

><p>Young Madame Giry: Quick! Into this random building!<p>

Young Phantom: Um...in the book version I _build_ this place...now I'm unceremoniously shoved into it?

* * *

><p>Old Raoul: Okay...so we went from a flashback within a flashback to "present" day?<p>

Deer: I'm a galloping deer that you think has some symbolic valuce but in reality has NO POINT!

* * *

><p>Christine: What...doesn't everyone visit graveyards in the early morning?<p>

Carriage Driver aka Phantom: Guess who?

* * *

><p>Christine: (singing) Whaa! I want my daddy!<p>

* * *

><p>Raoul: Raoul's attempt to be heroic Part II!<p>

* * *

><p>Phantom: (singing) Would you love me in a crypt? On a ship? In a box? With a fox? Do you like green eggs and ham?<p>

Christine: (singing) I...I...I...oh, to heck with it! I LOVE YOU!

* * *

><p>Phantom: (singing) Come to me, Angel of Music!<p>

Christine: (singing) Wait...that's _your _nickname...eh, whatever!

Raoul: (singing) Time to ruin all the beautiful EC-ness!

* * *

><p>Phantom: (sword fighting) Unguard!<p>

Raoul: (sword fighting) Café olé!

* * *

><p>Phantom: (sword fighting) It's really sad how easy this is.<p>

Raoul: (sword fighting) Ah! No! Not the hair!

* * *

><p>Christine: Awesome! I've got two guys fighting over me!<p>

* * *

><p>Phantom: (stabs Raoul)<p>

Raoul: Close your eyes, kids! Violence!

* * *

><p>Raoul: Aha! Gotcha!<p>

Phantom: You resorted to _tripping _me?

Christine: Raoul, you idiot! Don't you dare!

* * *

><p>Phantom: Grr...<p>

Raoul: Grr...

Christine: Nobody seems to remember that I just technically made my choice...

* * *

><p>Raoul: (singing) My time-confused cowboy coat has enabled me to come up with a plan!<p>

* * *

><p>Christine: (singing) But I don't wanna do his opera! He's a murderer! And yet...(sigh)...<p>

Raoul: (singing) Can't you _ever _say something bad about him without immediately taking it back?

* * *

><p>Christine: (singing) I'm a-scared! Whaa!<p>

Raoul: (singing) Don't think that I don't care, it's just...no, wait, it was that first one.

* * *

><p>Piangi: (singing) Um...something about a cape, girl, plan, and room...I think.<p>

* * *

><p>Phantom: (kills Piangi) Three's a charm!<p>

* * *

><p>Phantom: (singing) This is getting really old really fast. Let's just skip to the part where you love me.<p>

Christine: (singing) Why can't I ever make any rational decisions while in your presence?

* * *

><p>Phantom and Christine: (singing) Past the point of no return... (insert a bunch of PG-13-ness)<p>

* * *

><p>Raoul: Gah! What the heck? Watch my tears flow as I finally realize everything!<p>

* * *

><p>Phantom: (singing) Marry me? Pretty please?<p>

Christine: Awe, crap! I'm crying on stage! (sob/smile)

* * *

><p>Christine: (snatches mask off)<p>

Phantom: What the heck was that for?

Christine: Sorry. I'm still 1/2 hypnotized. I'll questions must be submitted to my secretary.

* * *

><p>Phantom: (cuts rope) Well...here goes nothing...<p>

Christine: Whee!

* * *

><p>Chandelier: (crash!) (fire!) (flame!)<p>

Audience Member: My leg!

* * *

><p>Phantom: (singing) Journey to the batcave take 2! And...action!<p>

Christine: (singing) I liked the first trip better. There was pretty stuffs. And you weren't dragging me down the freakin' hall!

* * *

><p>Hunters: (singing) Kill the best! Kill the bea-...uh...track down this murderer!<p>

* * *

><p>Christine: (singing) Here comes the bride! Time for my famous quote: It's not your face, it's you.<p>

Phantom: Yeah, but I only did it for you, so technically it's not me, it's you. Haha, I win!

* * *

><p>Raoul: Raoul's attempt to be heroic Part III!<p>

Madame Giry: Guess what? I've decided to ditch you! Now don't forget: keep your HAND at the LEVEL of your EYES! (repeat 10 times)

* * *

><p>Raoul: Watch me forget within two seconds! Whoopsie daisy! (falls down trapdoor)<p>

* * *

><p>Raoul: (glug glug choke gasp drown)<p>

* * *

><p>Raoul: Gah! My foppish strength seems to be failing me! I could just die and make all right in the world, but...<p>

* * *

><p>Raoul: (resurfaces) ...that would make too much sense!<p>

* * *

><p>Phantom: Hmm...that's funny...I could of sworn I'd killed you already...<p>

Raoul: (singing) Ah! You fiend! Don't hurt her!

* * *

><p>Christine: (singing) Uh...Raoul...you <em>do <em>realize he's gonna kill you, right?

Phantom: (singing) Let's review the facts: I _love _her. What the heck would I kill her for?

Raoul: (singing) Stop asking me questions!

* * *

><p>Phantom: (punjabs Raoul)<p>

Christine: (singing) (gasp!)

Phantom: (singing) MWAHAHA! How cool is _this_?

Raoul: (singing) Um...difficulty breathing...

* * *

><p>Christine: (singing) (!)<p>

Phantom: (singing) Here's the deal! The deal is here! Here the deal is! Marry me: fop lives. Don't: fop dies. Comprendes?

Raoul: (singing) How the heck is Christine singing "!" ?

* * *

><p>Christine: (singing) Angel of Music...<p>

Phantom: (singing) Past the point of no return...

Raoul: (singing) Why do you people keep singing?

* * *

><p>Christine and Phantom: (singing) <strong>BECAUSE SINGING IS COOL!<strong>

Raoul: (singing) Gees...sorry I asked...

* * *

><p>Christine: (singing) Hmm...let's see...eenie, meanie, minie, moe...<p>

Phantom: (singing) Hurry up! I've waited 2 freakin' hours already! I'm getting hungry!

Raoul: (singing incoherently like everyone else)

* * *

><p>Christine: (singing to Phantom) Guess what. I choose you. Surprise surprise.<p>

Phantom: ...

Raoul: Still can't breathe!

* * *

><p>Christine: (kisses Phantom)<p>

Phantom: ...!

Raoul: ...!

* * *

><p>Christine: (gasp!) Startling revelation! MORE! NOW!<p>

Phantom: ...!

Raoul: Um...

* * *

><p>Christine: (kisses Phantom)<p>

Phantom: ...!

Raoul: I think everyone forgot about me...

* * *

><p>Christine: Well, now all is peachy keen!<p>

Phantom: ...!

Raoul: (sigh) Well, I guess I'll move on to Meg...

* * *

><p>Christine: Uh...hello...?<p>

Phantom: ...!

Raoul: Hey, she chose you! Untie me!

* * *

><p>Christine: Yo! Answer me!<p>

Phantom: ...!

Raoul: I'm bored...

* * *

><p>Christine: Earth to O.G.!<p>

Phantom: ...!

Raoul: (singing) One, two, buckle my shoe...

* * *

><p>Phantom: ...WOW! Time for me to totally misinterpret everything!<p>

Raoul: (singing) ...nine, ten, a big, fat- Wait, did you say misinterpret?

* * *

><p>Phantom: (sob) Go away, and leave me alone!<p>

Raoul: Well...that was weird...

* * *

><p>Christine: But...b-but...(sniff)...<p>

Raoul: Yay! He snapped! Let's go!

* * *

><p>Monkey Music Box: (singing) I add to the irony!<p>

Phantom: (singing) Life...crashing...down...

* * *

><p>Phantom: (singing) Christine, I love you...<p>

* * *

><p>Christine: Then why the heck are you sending me away?<p>

Phantom: Because I'm confused at the moment and want you to be happy and...THIS IS KILLING ME!

* * *

><p>Phantom: (sob)<p>

Christine: Looking back at what might have been...

Raoul: (singing) Let's sing and rub it in his face! That's all I ask of you!

* * *

><p>Phantom: (singing) Life lost all meaning! Let's smash some mirrors! It's over now, the music of the night (not to mention the movie)!<p>

* * *

><p>Meg: (finds mask) (gasp!) The Phantom of the Opera is...not here inside my mind...or the batcave...or anywhere...<p>

* * *

><p>Christine's Grave: Mrs. Fop. Beloved wife and mother.<p>

Phantom: Yeah, but they don't mention who the father is, do they? Hahaha! Watch the sequel!

Monkey Music Box: (singing) Masquerade!

Old Raoul: I now understand how much you loved him, so you can have his rotting monkey thing.

* * *

><p>Old Raoul: (notices black ribboned rose with ring on grave) Wait a minute...<p>

* * *

><p>Black Ribboned Rose with Ring: Neah, neah!<p>

Old Raoul: Oh, come on! You've got to be kidding me!

* * *

><p>Candle: And remember...all this took place inside of a postcard!<p>

**The End**


End file.
